Starting Over

So finally I get back on my blog. I had a feeling this would happen when I started this thing. I always knew I was never going to blog everyday, but I also didn't think I would let a couple of months go by without blogging either. Well better late than never goes the saying.

So I have been here almost 3 months now, and I have to say it has been an interesting transition. I started my new job 2 months ago. I work in a store that is pretty much a cross between an OfficeMax/Kinkos/Michaels/and Hallmark stores. I am a Sales associate, which basically means I do anything that needs to get done from inventory to the register. I called this blog 'Starting Over' because that is exactly what I have been doing these last 2 months. I no longer work behind a desk staring at a computer all day. I am on my feet and constantly on the move. I no longer communicate with my clients through emails or provide customer service solely through the telephone. I am now one-on-one, face to face with all the customers that come in our store. I am no longer in an office all day long. I have been put in charge of deliveries and of making outside sales which means I drive the store van around the city (and neighboring cities) to deliver orders or to see if I can drum up some business. I used to be salary, now I punch in and out. I would be lying if I said all these changes have been easy. In fact some of these things have been a little hard to get through. Especially the delivery thing. How the hell do you make someone that is new to the city, in charge of deliveries? Not to mention how hard its going to be to drive around when it starts snowing!

The one thing I can never say is that I didn't know big changes were coming. In fact, I was looking forward to them. One of the reasons I left home was because I wanted a change in my life. Something so big and profound that it would rock my reality. Something that could not be forgotten or dismissed after my next drunk stupor. I have definitely accomplished that. I have slowly gotten used to the change of my status. Very slowly. And im not talking about missing my friends and family yet, that's totally different. Im talking about no longer being a "manager" any more. No longer being in charge of my own accounts, no longer being left alone to finish my projects as I see fit. I actually cant believe I miss these things a little. My life was in a rut and I wanted out. But I know of something that never changes. Politics. Here I am, pretty low on the totem pole and yet I can see the higher ups with all the same problems I used to face before. Incompetent leaders with no real idea on what it takes to get the job done, middle-management without the resources to do what is asked of them, and the worker bees there to do all the work no one else wants to do. And what does everyone have in common? Stress, unhappiness, always complaining and never paid enough. Hmm, sounds familiar.

And yet if there is a Ying then there must be a Yang. It hasn't been all bad over here. If you've heard this once before then you haven't heard it enough, this place is beautiful. I couldn't possibly write words to describe some of the great sights I have seen. Nothing more magnificent like the stars. Soooo many stars. The sky is just full of stars and it feels like you can see every single one. I cant even remember the last time I said the phrase, "Little Dipper." This city is in a valley and we are surrounded by huge mountains so close it feels like you could easily hike up them. I have also met some new friends through this job. And they have been some of the nicest people I have ever met. They enjoy many of the things I do and we hang out pretty often too (which is way easy to do when everyone is within a 3 mile radius). The people are very nice and most of them have this thing called, "manners" which was easily lost back home. Now I say most because your always going to have jackasses anywhere you go. Its getting colder now and soon we will be buried in snow according to everyone. I am looking forward to the snow but my friends say that delusion will ware off really fast. The moment you have to dig your car out of 7 feet of snow for the 9th day in a row, they say. And trust me, they never miss a chance to bug me about this. The "L.A. Kid" is in for some hurtin soon enough.

Hardest of all, I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my city. I took a while for the shock to ware off and the reality of what I did and where I am to really kick in. I was extremely sad for a while. I was remembering everyone's little quirky things and wishing I could see them do it one more time. I was missing the fun atmosphere I worked in and the good times I shared with everyone there. They were the best friends anyone could ask for. I only regret not spending even more time with them all, outside of work. But it was them that made me want to go to work anyway. I miss seeing my family in the flesh. I can always talk to them but being near them as taken on a whole new meaning. It is precious. Friends can never be replaced nor should they ever be forgotten. I wonder about them all the time. What they are doing? What's new? One of my friends was pregnant and I think she was due this month. One of my friends went through a horrible experience recently. One of my friends was being promoted. What is sad is that eventhough I miss them, it becomes difficult to keep in contact with everyone. That has always been a problem for me. I have a very bad habit of drifting away and staying silent. I hope everyone is okay.

Well I guess that's all I have to say about that. My life has turned upside down and new experiences are on the horizon. As the holidays approach, im sure there will be more sad moments to come but it will also be an exciting time. I will make sure of it. I have given up too much to let anything stop me from making a good life out here. As one of my close friends once said,"I am in control of my life now, not the other way around."

Happy Halloween!!

9/11

I am blogging about this subject because of a special that is airing on the National Geographic Channel regarding the attack. You know, I think about that day maybe more often than most people do. I am in no way directly connected to anyone that their lost their life that day and I saw it on television just like most of the world did, yet I cant get any of those images out of my head. My life changed that day. It felt like it was happening to me. I was so sad and angry during those next few days. Sad for the families that lost someone, sad for those poor souls that chose to jump from the 90th floor, sad for the passengers that were hoping everything was going to be okay. Then anger, rage uncontrollable rage. I wanted everyone that was a part of this dead. All of them. Every single one of them, no matter what the cost. So a few civilians will die, so what? Did they care who they killed? Someone tell me why we should be so careful when we go after them. In a war, there will always be casualties, for us and them. I just want revenge, plain and simple. There may be nothing ethical about it but it is justice. That day I realized many things. I realized where I am from. Being Latino, I notice that latinos from my generation always likes to claim they are from where their family is from. If their parents are from Mexico then they go around saying they are Mexicans. I was born in this country, so what happened, happened to my fellow countrymen. I am an American first and everything else second. But the biggest realization I had that day was what I had always suspected before, we are alone. There is no higher power out there that is supposedly watching over us. All the stuff I have been taught my whole life was total B.S. I wont go any further on this topic, just to prevent this blog from going all spiritual. This is all just my opinion. I was deeply affected that day and I will never forget nor forgive. I will never forget what I saw that day and I will never forgive them for murdering Americans. I just hope we can one day say we got them all, dead or alive.

bloggers block

I just dont know. I just cant seem to write. Everytime I sit down to type something on my blog I get lost and end up not doing anything. I see my friends write tons on their blogs but I cant focus. Actually, sometimes I have so many things to say I get frustrated and write nothing. Its a strange thing, and hopefully I will snap out of it soon. Maybe my new setting is throwing me off, its not like I have close friends around me to shoot ideas to. We shall see.

My dog

Ladies and Gentlmen I present to you, Tobe. I felt I captured his essence here in this pic so I decided to make this my profile pic. My dog means the world to me. He is 4 years old but my family rescued him from the pound when he was just 9 months old. When I say rescue, I mean rescue because dogs are killed at the pound everyday. It was not easy, we had a family dog years ago, but when Lily was stolen from us in '97 it took us 4 years to get over the loss and get up the nerve to look for another one. When my brother found him in a pound all dirty in a cage, he knew this is the one. The people at the pound said that they picked him up on the streets traveling with a pack of dogs, he was definetly the one. When the day came when Tobe was available to adopt, there were other families there trying to adopt him as well. There was a bidding war but we had already agreed that we would fight for this dog. We won, and my brother brought him home shortly thereafter. That was when my brother decided that he should be named Tobe. His full name would be M.Tobe. The meaning behind his name is simple, "Meant to be", M.Tobe for short. That is his story, I only wish everyone could have a relationship with a pet the way I have with my Tobe.

Check me out

Well, well look at me actually creating a blog. Always heard about this mysterious word "blog" but I was never interested in making one. Always thought, "Who cares what I think anyway?" But now that I have moved out of the city and away from my family and friends, I see now that this is one of the best ways to stay in contact with them. They are always surfing the net anyway so why not stop in and see what im up to. I wont get into the specifics of me moving just yet but I did want to set this thing up and write a sort of introduction. Suffice to say, I am the all powerful Charlie and I am now living in Idaho. Yes, Idaho. I was born and raised on the streets of Los Angeles (well born in a hospital and raised in an apartment but the street thing sounds better.) I have decided to move to Idaho for 2 reasons: 1 to continue my relationship with the woman I love and 2 to make a change in my life that gets me out of the routine I was slipping into. You see I have always been a "soul-searching" kind of person so I have always been looking for some kind of meaning to it all. Thats why im out here, to help me look within and find out more about myself. So I guess that ends my first entry into this blog.